The very famous Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and The City once said "Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first." It is this quote which explains my recent lack of commitment to The Science of Happy. I fell out of love with myself.
After my friend James passed away, I lost all interest in writing. I stopped submitting Oxfam posts and still have not submitted anything in 6 months. I stopped writing about all things profound and starting only writing about all things frivolous which goes against the whole reason I started this new blog. I stopped seeing life for what it was and started falling out of love with myself, my life and everything around me. I lost motivation, my aspirations dissolved into nothing and my desire to explore vanished. This was not helped by the lack of support I have, my living conditions, my troubled long-distance relationship, my 10 month (and still going) cough or my evaporating pool of close friends.
My heart has been shredded.
A year ago, I was on top of the world. I had created this new version of myself that I fell head over heels in love with. I was meeting new people, experiencing new things, appreciating all things big and small and was essentially, happy. Something I had never managed to accomplish in 24 years.
It tears me apart to say that I am no longer happy. I even look unhappy. I've been told that my eyes look dead. I cried on my birthday and that was also the last time I saw my boyfriend.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring but all I know is that miracles do happen. Around November 2012, I finally took an active attempt to change my life for the better...and it worked. From this, 2013 became the best year of my entire life. Even though right now, I feel like my hard work has been undone - it just goes to show that when you put your mind to it, your determination and hard work will pay off. I've done it before and I'll do it again.
Your future is literally in your own hands. I don't believe that a path has been made for you to follow and I don't believe in fate. I believe the path is what YOU make it. You are your own destiny and while right now it may hurt, remember that after a storm comes a rainbow. Nothing worth having has ever come easy to anyone so stay strong, even if you feel like you're dying inside.
Life is tough, but so are you.